Ndejje Etiquette

Etiquette in Ndejje, Uganda is, not surprisingly, different from etiquette at home. Stevie and I are slowly learning a new set of ‘good manners,’ but they take some getting used to.

Ugandans are very generous people. They give whatever they can, whether that is a soda, dinner, or simply a big smile from a stranger walking down the street. People take pride in their ability to give, and as we have learned, it is impolite to refuse these acts of friendship. This is all wonderful until you apply these manners to food and drinks.

Stevie and I have been invited to a couple of meals at friends’ houses, and we’ve quickly learned to come with empty stomachs. Our friends bring out large portions of Ugandan food and we happily eat. But then out comes another course, and another, and another until we’ve sampled all varieties of Ugandan cuisine. By the end of the meal we are on the verge of bursting.

Feeling obliged to accept generosity is also dangerous when it comes to drinks. At one of our delicious, button-popping meals at a student’s house, his older brother offered us a glass of wine. Stevie and I were both happy to accept, but grew wary when he came out with a bottle of sherry. He poured us large glasses and kept on topping them off throughout the meal. Needless to say, we were both pretty tipsy by the end of the night. As we were leaving, the student told us we looked really tired. “Or something like that,” Stevie replied.

Once you are invited into someone’s house, you are expected to return regularly and unannounced. In fact, the host might be insulted if you fail to make these unexpected house calls, thinking that his/her cooking or company was not up to par. We have had several people over and, being the polite people that they are, they all stop by often and unannounced. These visits are usually a welcome surprise, except when we are cooking. Cooking takes a long time here, so when we are home the probability that we are cooking is pretty high. Now, if someone arrives while you are preparing a meal you are expected to ask them to stay and eat, even if you have not prepared enough food. Going back to the first new manner we learned here, it would be rude for them to refuse. At least a couple times a week, Stevie and I end up sharing our over-spiced concoctions with our surprise guests. Too polite to refuse the food or not finish it, they smile eat it even though they can hardly tolerate the taste (especially if it has black pepper) just as Stevie and I smile as we reluctantly divide our dinner onto more plates than two.

Flashing is routine in Ndejje. Fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately, depending on your penchant for public nudity) I do not mean exposing one’s self in public. Rather, I mean flashing someone on the phone. Phone credit here is precious and not to be wasted. When someone needs to get a hold of you but doesn’t have the phone credit to chit chat, they’ll call and hang up right away. This is a cue to call them back. It took me a while to catch on. For at least a couple of weeks I could not figure out why my phone would just ring once. Now, I’ve got the hang of it and have even started flashing people when my phone credit is low.

Since phone credit is like gold, phone calls are efficient matters. Hanging up on someone is not a sign of disrespect. Rather, it is normal. Once the caller has the information he/she needs, the phone call ends. There is no need to waste credit on unnecessary chit-chat or formalities. Stevie and I thought we were in big trouble one afternoon when the headmistress called us to ask if we were at school. When we said no, she promptly hung up. Our friend Jimbo, hearing the exchange from the headmistress’s side, later explained that she wasn’t mad; she simply didn’t need any more information from us and didn’t want to waste any more phone credit.

Religion is a common topic in casual conversations in Ndejje. In this community of refugees, everybody has a different background and a different story, and everybody is interested in learning about the newcomers. I am no longer surprised with the follow-up question to ‘How are you?’ is ‘what religion are you?’ On more than one occasion, people have asked Stevie and me if we are Muslim. Curious as to why everybody thinks we are Muslim, I asked one of the kids at Hope School. He told me that he thought we were Muslim because when we sit, we sometimes fold our legs in front of us (Indian style, though that is probably not the PC term).

I’m sure that we still have not picked up on a host of several social cues and manners, and we’ve probably accidentally offended a few people. When we return to the States, please don’t be too upset if I hang-up on you.